Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
