my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize