the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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