Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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