nut hugger
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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