So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
