every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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