So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
