It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
