somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
