dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
