This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
