That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
