we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
