I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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