why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize