ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
