My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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