The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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