Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
