I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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