i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
