I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
