Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
