I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
