what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
