Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize