God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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