see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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