wat bout pragnant strippers??
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
