We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
