So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
