What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize