Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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