If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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