Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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