I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
