hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
