Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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