I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
