Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
