I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
