I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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