Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
