the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
