now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
