every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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