the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I looked at my own cervix.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize