Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
