Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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