Define "chronic" masturbator.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
