too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
