but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
