May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
