Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
