she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
