I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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