Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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