if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
