I must be too annoying 4 u.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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