gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
