We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
