this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
