Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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