: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
