he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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