Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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