Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
