Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
