omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We had sex on a dog bed..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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