You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
