Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
