i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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