they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize