I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
