What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
