oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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