people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have aggressive nipples.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize