is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
