I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
