My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
