Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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