well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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