so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
