Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize