Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
