remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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