what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
