so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
