so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
