Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
