just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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