Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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