I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
