I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize