just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
