I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
