Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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