I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
