Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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