i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
