guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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