So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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