oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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